So, you've been together a while, maybe a long while, and certain things have gone a bit flat in your relationship. You both want to give it a boost and so you thought you'd try this thing called "Tantra".
Before you dive in, you should know that whereas some Tantra can give a total boost to your relationship, there are other kinds of events that can be extremely challenging and not what you thought you were signing up for!
You might need to know this before you sign up for a workshop...
That's because a large number of tantric events are designed for individuals to work with as many other participants as possible, usually of the opposite gender. In fact this is the default style of a Tantra workshop.
That's wonderful if you wanted lots of connection with lots of people, but can be a disaster for any unsuspecting couple wishing to strengthen their connection. After all, if you came hoping to improve your relationship but then have to watch each other sit in intimate positions with other people... Well, let's just say that's very often triggering as h*ll!
(Yes, yes... There are those who say that getting triggered helps you to grow. But there's not an overwhelming amount of evidence that this is actually true. More evidence suggests we grow best in safety and in loving presence.)
So what you need to know as a couple exploring Tantra is that usually the workshop is designed for individuals unless it specifically mentions otherwise.
The difference between individuals' tantra and couples' tantra is massive. Individuals' tantra often supports the model of "transpersonal love" in which you are looking to see the God or Goddess in every man and woman. It has nothing to do with personal like or dislike.
The benefit of this is to develop the capacity for a love beyond conditions and to see the Divine truth in every living being.
This can be profound in a workshop setting, but it certainly doesn't mean you'll want to go home with everyone you feel love for!
A Couples' Workshop, however, honours our personal love. This is deeper than just a moment of transpersonal love... It is about a love that's integrated into everyday reality. i.e. a relationship.
So Couples' Workshops take the format that you learn the meditations and practices together. You exchange energy with only your chosen partner. You massage each other. You share with each other. You learn lovemaking skills and then get to go home that night to try them out!
There is also a higher degree of privacy, as you can choose to keep your relationship issues to yourselves, or share with the rest of the group according to your own choosing.
Plus you learn how to unite transpersonal love with personal love. It's like a union between your spirituality and your humanity. It's not only a mind-blowing love experience in the workshop, but you work out how to take that home into everyday living. This is where the real work lies!
So please, dear couples, if your intention is to learn tantra together, then please make sure you sign up for the right retreat! The difference is you could get triggered for a week or your could build trust for a week! (of course, if you want to explore jealousy and triggering, then individuals' tantra can be perfect!).
Find out more about Couples Retreats here.