Everywhere I go on the Tantra scene, I find the same phenomenon: a handful of men who are proudly proclaiming to be “opening women up”. What this usually means is that they are offering women yoni massage (sexual massage) and orgasmic experiences.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I think that one of the greatest aspects of the masculine is the desire to open up a woman. There exists this fact that often someone else can open us up more than we can open ourselves. This is because we can surrender to another, whereas on our own there is always an element of being in control. So this aspect of the masculine which delights in opening a woman can be a great and precious gift.
However, I really want to just say something to those men.
Opening a woman up has the effect of opening her up.
Please stop for a moment to consider what you are opening. When you open a woman sexually, her energy moves (orgasm is a huge movement of sexual energy in the body). When this energy moves, it starts breaking down layers of protection and defence. Now ultimately this is a great thing on the tantric path…we want to drop those old patterns of defence. But, as layers of long-held defence falls away, deep vulnerability is exposed.
When you open a woman up, you re opening up her deep layers, opening her heart, exposing her mystery, taking the lid off Pandora’s box.
She may experience any number of things. Often a huge rush of inexplicable emotions. Some women cry or laugh during orgasm. There may be tremendous flows of energy…full body shaking and trembling.
However, if once you have opened a woman, you pat yourself on the back and then move onto finding the next woman to open, you are leaving a woman wide open and vulnerable.
How often I see men getting carried away with their own ego-gratification without enough understanding of the effect they are having. If you truly wish to be of service through opening women, then it is not for your ego’s sake. And if you are in true service, then you are in service to all of that woman….not only her orgasm, but also her feelings, her energies and all that comes up for her. You are there to serve a woman by creating safe and sacred space for her.
So I certainly don’t want to put a dampener on the enthusiasm of these well-meaning men. But I do want to speak out for all of the women who have been left feeling open and raw and unheld.
Please take care of the sacred feminine. Please acknowledge your own power. Please take responsibility for your actions. Please check in with yourself…you know if you are coming from ego or service. Please don’t fool yourself.
We want to receive your gifts. Truly we do. But we are ready to receive them in a way that is in alignment with healing and love.
Not only that, Tao Tantra says that if a man’s gift is to open a woman sexually, a woman’s gift is to open a man’s heart. If you only make space for the sexual aspect, a woman is left feeling incomplete and the interaction is imbalanced.
There are ways to hold space for a purely sexual opening, such as a professional massage. But please note the word “professional”. The professionals (generally) know how to make a woman feel safe and held through the vehicle of the session and clarity of boundaries. The whole professional setting is in itself a container to hold the experience in.
So if you are running around, from one tantra event to another, “opening women”, I ask you please to pause and take a deep and honest look within. Ask yourself if there is a better way you could be doing this, and please check in where you are coming from. There may be a better way that you can offer your gifts…
And finally, a note from GuruJi, Bob Marley:
© 2014. Shashi Solluna. All rights reserved.